English Version of First Love. The Jap version is one of the songs for my blog as well. :)
i like this song since primary2 even though i didn't noe what it means. that jap drama featured this song is very nice as well. Teacher and student forbidden love. :)

anyway, have been wanna blog abt this, but its quite emo u see. dun really wanna affect that feel pple get from reading my blog. But well, since some of my posts are quite emo already, i guess i will just blog something abt it.

I am really very very proud of my friend, let me call her "H".
Anyway, I know "H" for many years already and she liked this guy for 8 years. I call this guy a jerk judging from the many years I know him as well. Such a jerk. yeah "H" knows it too but she just likes him. No, i do not noe the reason as well. She thought of him constantly even though she was in a relationship with another of my guy friend. :( quite sad for the guy ah? Anyway, after that long struggle, she told me in msn recently she gave him up. Yeah, i am very happy for her. Throughout these years, I seen her tormenting and toutured by his love. This jerk is completely unappreciative with the love she given him, humilated her when she love him so much. Her tolerance finally reach the limit ( thank goodness ) and she gave her up eventually. I am proud of you "H" although i am no longer as close as you but i am glad u shared this with me. I wish you luck in finding the other one that appreciates you and not taking your love as granted. :)

"H" told me: " Here goes my first love ". True enuff. this particular sentence definitely brought me to a world of thoughts.
I was thinking... " Is he my first love? Did I love him? Am I giving up on him?"

Honestly, I dunno myself if I have ever "love" b4. Oh well, I love my family, my friends and my life although it gets kinda sucky at sometimes. Nope, I dun love god if you are interested in knowing.

Recently, i got into contact with "him" again. Yes, the one that I am confused whether I "love" him or not. I told a friend: I like him alot alot alot alot alot. My friend said: Then its love liao lo. I really dunno. How do you define love? relationship=love? I beg to differ. Anyway, the "him" i actually "love" is definitely not a good guy but well at least he doesn't fall into the jerk category lahs !
At a point of my life, i regarded him the most important thing in my life, without caring if he knows or not. I "love" him blindly. Tears can just flow and he doesn't know. Its really alright. As long he is happy, i am happy too.
But i can't do this anymore becos everything changes already. Nope, I will no longer cry, so dun feel apologetic. I still wish you luck in finding the one that "loves" you as much as I do.

Also, I have to accept changes. I can no longer be beside you, supporting you secretly. I can no longer cry behind you and hope you will nvr know but at the same time giving me that alittle hope. I can never see your back with admiration again. I can never tell you my problems again. I can never whine to you about my life again. You can never tell me your jokes again. I should not miss you again. I should not be clinging to the past with your existence. I should let them be beautiful memories although it is scared with hurt and torment. I should not be letting those tears for you flow again. Letting you go is what I can do for you. It was all worthwhile for the "love".

I have to learn from my friend "H" right? She totally gives him up, putting down all the love she gave. I think we are similar but with some differences. Like the guy, her guy is definitely jerk to the max. Mayb the looks quite ok only. Anyway, I hope I wun have to take so long like her eh. She took 8 bloody years man ! At least hers started at 10 years old and ended at 18 years old. Judging from the period I "love" him, would be 16 years old. if i take 8 years, i would be a fucking 24 year old nia !! k lahs, still young but quite pathetic if i have to wait until that age b4 i can completely give him up.

I will try my best though. Now, i have to completely cut ties with him. Yes, I will do it. Wish me luck. :)

Yes, thanks Sad Angel (Jeffrey) for everything, but i just know that it ain't love. :) Still, thanks for teaching me how to "love". :)

Goodbye first love. I gotta let you go one day. Mayb it wun be today, but i will do it. definitely not 8 years later too. XP.

P.S. I am not talking about "J" hor for this post. :)
Haha. Yaps. this gotta be one of my longest post and my fave post. :) Enjoy the song pple ! its really melodious.